Lost Dreams by Jude Ouvrard

Book: Lost Dreams

Blurb:

When Carter is killed in combat, he left behind his heartbroken wife, Avery and his shattered best friend Remy. Naturally these two wounded soul gravitate together, irresistibly drawn by the loss of the one they both loved, as well as their deep friendship with each other. But when that friendship starts to turn into something more, new problems arise. Will Avery be able to move on after losing the love of her life?

Will Remy be able to fill the void left by the loss if his best friend? Or will this new chance at love cost them all they have left?

Author bio:

Jude was born and raised in a small village named Lacolle. She now lives in Montreal, Canada. She is the proud mother of a beautiful five year old son, Isaac and has spent the last twelve years with her boyfriend, Cedric.

Excerpt:

July 17th, 2007

Carter

I tried to be the strong one, but today hurt every bone, muscle and brain cell in my body. Without her by my side, life was painful. For years, she had been the sun in my days, the one I was looking for in the darkness. She was my light, my love and inspiration. My reason to stay alive. We were always together before I joined Special Forces. During our last deployment, we were lucky to be working together as a team and we both enjoyed it. I knew her better than I knew myself and while we worked jointly, I saw who she was and how strong and dedicated she had become. Her pride over serving in the Army was beyond most men. Her determination was astounding, she'd faced death, survived to my abject relief and still stayed the fighter she's always been. Her injuries and pain didn’t make her weak, she'd become stronger and fought against her fears.

I sat in the plane next to Remy. We had left a little over two hours ago and I could still feel her sadness, as if it was attached to my heart. Remy was also feeling blue, as he considered Avery to be like a sister. I hated that I was the reason behind her sadness. I held back the tears as long as I could, but mid-way to our destination, it overwhelmed me and I gave up.

"Fuck.... Fuck... I hate this!" I yelled. I regretted leaving her. I should have requested a release at the same time as she did. This was a fucking nightmare. "I should be home with her, Remy. We could be starting a family like we want. I shouldn’t have come... I shouldn’t have." Each word, every memory of our conversations about the future hurt, kicking me in the chest because I wanted them now. Every minute away from her was a waste of our time.

"Cart, man, relax." Remy squeezed my shoulder with a strong hand. "This, the Army, is our life, you can't go back now. We'll do this and go back home like we always do. A couple of months won't change anything in the end. She loves you like crazy and you love her even more." He paused. "Look, we can do this. It’s hard now because you just left her. Even I'm sad. I'll miss her too but it's what we do, man, we are Special Forces. We leave and we come back stronger. We fight for what's right. We have a job to get done now. Focus on that."

"Being away from her is different this time. It's not that I don't like it, I hate it. It shouldn’t be like this. We had the best times of our lives these past few days. She was glowing, she was smiling like she used to, before the bombing. I felt like she was finally back with me, with us."

"I saw it too. She was different, happy." He smiled. "It's all you, Carter. You were able to make her the happiest bride, even though she knew you were leaving. Use that to motivate yourself. We'll be back before we know it."

"Thanks, bro." I dried my tears on the sleeve of my shirt. I was still angry at myself but he was right. She was happy again. I had to focus on that and come back home as soon as possible. She was my life now. Everything I am or own, is hers.

''I want you to tell me how you feel while you are away. Write me or call me as much as you can.'' I grabbed my backpack and opened the front pocket to find my pen and paper.

Avery,

I haven't arrived at our destination yet, and I’m already writing because I'm thinking about you. I miss you. I can't stop seeing your smile and beauty in my mind.

Thank you for the pictures, I'll keep the one of you in your wedding dress with me all the time. Except when I'm in the shower, of course.

I’ve been wanting to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are. Your smiles are back, the ones that made me fall in love with you years ago. The smiles that reach your eyes and the smiles when you bite your lower lip. I loved the way you blushed when you walked down the aisle. You took my heart at that moment and stole it. You are the one who owns it, take care of it. My heart is nothing without you.

I will be back to you soon and we'll start our family. We could even buy a dog or a cat and move to a different city. Somewhere by the beach or in the country. Anything baby, just say it and you'll have it.

I love you my shining star, more than you'll ever know.

Carter

Kisses and hugs

I placed the letter in an envelope and addressed it. I wanted her to receive it soon, as I knew the waiting would be hard for Avery. I was planning to write to her every day or every other day.

Remy had fallen asleep and I wondered how life was for him. He was single, I'd never seen him serious about a girl before. He flirted here and there but he never talked about any girl in particular, or suggested he hoped to meet 'the one'. Never. As far as I knew, he didn't plan to stay in the Army forever and I always assumed he would eventually try to settle down with someone. I feared the loneliness he must sometimes feel. It was probably hard for him to see Avery and me so happy together. I wanted him to be happy too. He deserved to be.

I couldn’t force him into anything but maybe I could talk to him about dating.

~~~*~~~

We finally made it to the camp. It looked the same as the last one. I had to try and stop imagining Avery everywhere. I was ridiculously obsessed with my wife. She was safe at home and this was the right thing for her, for both of us. While we were getting installed, the guys were talking about our wedding and were really cool about it. Most of them were married and already fathers. Some of them even asked me to show them my ring. That was just weird, wasn't it something girls do? The ring was simple, white gold with two small diamonds. We chose it together, the diamonds representing us. Avery's ring was as simple as mine, she'd never been the type of girl who wanted huge diamonds. I was ready to buy her the biggest diamond I could afford but she'd refused and went for something small and modest. It represented her after all.

As soon as we got on camp, we started doing some work in settling in and we discovered issues. And to make everything worse, the internet was not working properly. We had security issues and couldn't use it for personal requirements. That meant no emailing and Avery was probably going to lose it in Fort Bragg. I had to make sure my letter got to her as soon as possible. I could try to call her, I would love to hear her voice. In the Special Forces, it only happened rarely that we had to deal with communication problems since it was one of our most important tool.

Finally, I located my bunk bed, I placed my backpack next to it and put the envelope containing the pictures under the thin blanket. I retrieved Avery's picture from my front pocket and looked at her for a few seconds. Her pale blond hair was piled on top of her head, in elaborate curls. She was gorgeous. Her gown was showing just enough skin, and kissed all of her curves. I was a proud man, and knew I was lucky that she picked me.

Today was my first day away but on the bright side, I was one day closer to seeing her again.

That was my main focus.